OUT COLD

by ThePeopleISleptWith

It was clear that he was beyond hammered when I picked him up from his co-workers party. We had been hanging out for a few weeks and this was the first time I saw him drunk. He could barely communicate with me, but insisted on making out with my tits at every red light.. whether there was a car next to us or not.  I had planned to sleep at his house but when we got there he was out cold.

It was the first time I saw this overly confident/cocky guy completely helpless. I put his arm around my neck and attempted to escort him into his house, but he was all dead weight. I tried slapping him, blasting music, twisting his nipples.. nothing worked. There was no way I alone could get him out of my car, let alone into his house. After 30 minutes of trying to wake him up I gave up.

I wanted to sleep. I drove back to my house and since there was no way I was even going to attempt to bring him inside for my parents to see I left him in my car…. with the window open. I assumed he would wake up confused so I left a note on his chest with a White Castle receipt. 

EAT GREAT, EVEN LATE.

by ThePeopleISleptWith

The second he walked through the door, it was on. He ripped -and I literally mean ripped- my clothes off. We moved to the living room where he bent me over my couch and inserted himself inside me. Just as things were heating up, he farted. No, not a silent-but-deadly or a quick fart. A long and loud fart. My initial reaction was to laugh but when he ignored it I knew making a joke of it was out of the question.

As I continued to fight the urge to laugh, which became increasingly harder with every thrust, I smelled it. I spent the next minute or so trying to figure out what he had for dinner. I detected a hint of TacoBell. To avoid cracking up I was forced to cover my mouth with my hand and eventually shoved my face into my couch cushion.. I expected him to make a joke about it after he finished— but instead he acted like it never happened, even though the smell still lingered.

MY “FRIEND” WITH BENEFITS

by ThePeopleISleptWith

He texted me at 2:09am to hang out. “Just come do it real quick.” SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE GENTLEMEN. If you’re trying to sleep with someone, “real quick ” may not be the best way to persuade them. Yeah, lemme get out of my cozy bed for this quickie.

“Don’t be difficult, ” he replied. I wasn’t trying to be difficult or play hard to get. I never asked for anything. For him, I was never hard to get. For whatever reason, he was under the impression that I was on-call. A few disrespectful texts later, it was clear that we weren’t friends. It no longer mattered how good the sex was, I couldn’t be a hole to stick his dick in “real quick” anymore.

SLAPPING AND SPITTING:

by ThePeopleISleptWith

The red flags were flying as soon as I saw his place. His shirts were folded so tidy he must’ve been in the army and there wasn’t a speck of dust to be seen. I walked in, whiskey in hand. Not even 10 seconds later, we were making out on the couch. I was riding him when he started heading for the back door, so to speak.

I obliged thinking, heck, whatever makes him happy. Then the butt plugs came out. He was all sparkly eyed like a kid with a new toy and asked me to insert one for him. Then, out of nowhere, he completely lost his erection. After administering oral to his soft penis, things got even weirder. We started up again and thats when he slapped my face and butt.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any weirder- he spit on my back. Why? I’ll never know. The whole thing culminated in him slapping me in the face with his semi-erect dick, which I swear almost made me burst out laughing were it not for his completely serious “I-am-concentrating-don’t-interrupt-me” face. After that, he knelt above me, furiously wanking himself off. He fell asleep in 2 seconds flat, while I gathered my belongings and headed for the hills.

SUBMITTED BY: Britbitchberlin7

WINNING

by ThePeopleISleptWith

We had been together for four months and for the first time in our relationship, the sex lasted longer than two minutes. Although I was pleasantly surprised, he seemed quite obviously annoyed. Sweat dripped off his forehead as he aggressively stabbed my insides with his penis.

Not long after he finished, he looked at me and proclaimed “I win.” ARE YOU ACTUALLY PROUD THAT YOU ARE UNABLE TO MAKE ME ORGASM? The first person to reach an orgasm doesn’t “win.” I don’t know if he was a moron or an asshole BUT I dated him for three more months – and I lost every single time.

“IT DOESN’T FIT”

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I kneeled on all fours as he “made love” to me in the back of my Jeep, parked next to a dumpster. This would have been fine if he wasn’t using the jack-hammering technique (often used by first timers or high-school boyfriends). “It doesn’t fit” he said, simultaneously lighting a cigarette and a joint. I had no idea what he was talking about.

“From behind, it doesn’t fit. I can tell -you were fidgeting a lot” he said, proud of his apparently massive penis. I explained that it was fine. “It was just too fast. It didn’t feel good.” He refused to believe me and went on to brag to his friends about how his penis would not fit inside of me from behind. It wasn’t the size… just the rapid jack-hammering motion of the ocean.

LUCKY STRIKE GIRL:

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I had been dating my ex for a few months when I realized how unusual he actually was. He lived in his parents basement, and he had no private door to his room. Privacy was obviously not a concern for him, cause he was ready to go any time anywhere. Even when we could hear his grandma cooking dinner in the next room he wanted to have sex, and seemed even more turned on than usual. I always gave in cause I was very much in love. But the sex always got a bit freakier for every time we did it.

First he wanted me to call him Daddy, and then he wanted me to talk like a baby. And then he wanted us to fuck while watching a Harry Potter movie. I should have realized that it was time to break up at that point. But we kept it going. Then, one day, he asked me if he could try to fit a packet of lucky strike cigarettes inside my vajayjay. I politely said “not today,” got dressed and never returned. Between my friends and I we just refer to his new girlfriend as lucky strike-girl.

Submitted by: thethingsinever

SPIT IN MY MOUTH

by ThePeopleISleptWith

I moved to Florida landing a job at a gas station. A guy who would pull up on his Harley and fill up once a week, and as glamorous as spinning the hotdogs on the broken heat rack may sound, his weekly visits became my high points. Now I couldn’t understand this guy for shit because he had such a deep WV accent, but it didn’t matter. I was tired of the deadass Tim’s loving NY boys and was looking forward to a geographical dick change as well.

About a month after riding around pretending I understood everything he was saying, it was time. I was finally alone In my brothers bedroom, with this Marlboro smoking, Harley riding, momma lovin southern boy. We were getting frisky when blurted – “spit in my mouth it’ll be sexy”. My mouth dry as can be as if I rode the entire way to the house with my mouth open on the back of his bike…I panicked. Not wanting to loose the moment, I hocked back and a grand ole loogie came forward and I spit it with force into his mouth, figuring this was the nasty he was into.

It was not in fact his type of nasty, the look on his face will haunt me forever as he looked at me with horror and swallowed. Good ole southern boys don’t waste an opportunity though-and we continued on-and for that, I thank his momma raised him right.

**submitted post**

That’s What She Said

by ThePeopleISleptWith

Five months ago he didn’t respond to a text I sent so I blocked his number. But now I’m lonely, horny and the only hot guy I met on Tinder tried to buy me a butt plug before our first date. So I texted him asking to buy some weed- which was ridiculous because his weed sucked and he charged too much…. Yes, I was willing to pay $50.00 to possibly get laid.

He came over and immediately started playing the Office them song on my roommates piano.

“Do you want to make out?” He asked. I sat there pretending to contemplate the decision as if it wasn’t my plan all along. We started making out and then he reached down my pants.

” I have my period,” I warned him. I didn’t think he would stop but he did. DON’T JUST GIVE HIM HEAD I told myself as he clearly motioned for me to suck his dick. So I let him put it in my butt and spent the remainder of the night chain smoking cigarettes trying to figure out why I am so bad at life. He ghosted me and I basically paid him to stick it in my ass.. great.

SWEAT, TEARS AND VOMIT

by ThePeopleISleptWith

It was Thanksgiving Eve I was on my fifth game of beer pong when a boy I had been having casual sex with over the summer walked through the door. Our “relationship” fizzled out when he left for college and after four unanswered texts I had given up on him and clearly my dignity. I had planned to leave the party and met up with some dude who sent me a series of unsolicited but impressive dick pictures the night prior. But there is was… hand full of whisky, belly full of pills, looking real good. He looked directly at me and I knew that moment I wasn’t going anywhere besides his car in the parking lot.

Two shots of Vodka later we were outside alone. He didn’t say anything. He just kissed me. And before I knew it we were ripping off each-others clothes in the back of his Jetta with our friends smoking cigarettes barely six feat away.

I began going down on him when i heard his stomach rumble. He started to dry heave, opened the car door -turning on the interior lights and threw up. Half on the street, half on the car. Our friends stared blankly with a perfect view of our naked bodies. I wanted to comfort him but not as much as I wanted to hide. He was sitting on top my clothing crying so I tried rubbing his shoulder to console him as I yanked my clothing out from underneath him and ran inside.

“He has a girlfriend at college. Did you know that?” A friend asked as he passed me a joint only moments after my run of shame. I took a hit but on the inside I was screaming. I exhaled.

“No, I obviously I did not know that.” I zoned out, starring at the Christmas lights prematurely hung on the wall. He texted me that he made it home safe and planned to “make it up,” to me… I planned to punch him in the face.